The Day I Met Martha Stewart part II

So there I was 4th in line, chatting with a mother and daughter combo from Price Utah.   They were nice and we got to know each other during the three and a half hours we ended up waiting.   I heard all about their kids, and they heard all about my fake wife who hurt her back rafting.  

The hallways would become momentarily crowded as each presentation wrapped up, and during those intermissions, when people realized we were waiting to meet Martha, the line began to grow.

I did a quick inventory:  Martha Stewart books for her to sign? Check!   Camera?  Two pictures left! Check!  Backstory of my nonexistant wife who couldn't be there so sent me instead?  Check!    I was set. 

Finally some tallish blond woman with a puckerish type of face informed us that Martha would be here soon, but before we were allowed in the room, we needed to allow two handicapped women in wheelchairs to cut in line. 

Okay...I'm as PC as they come, but this irritated me.   I had been standing in line for almost four hours!  I daydreamed about saying to the wheelchair combo, "Look honey.. while I'm sorry about your legs and life and all?   Get to the back of the line!"  But I didn't.  I still don't understand WHY they got prefferential treatment.  So now I was #6 to meet Martha, and I grudgingly decided I could live with that.

Finally the doors opened, and we all walked (and rolled) inside, only to wait another thirty minutes....but finally, the doors brisquely opened and some faceless women flanking the doyenne herself  arrived.  

I kid you not, there was a audible gasp when we realized it was her, and I still wonder what it must be like, to walk into a room full of people who are only there to see you, and hear them gasp in excitement.    Do you think it get's old or mundane after awhile?   I hope not.

Anyway, Martha was very nice.  She was much shorter in person (as most celebrities are for some weird cosmic reason) than I thought whe would be, and she was really really thin.  I always thought she looked a little 'stout' on tv, but she wasn't heavy at all, and was very coiffed and glam in that "I have more money than God" kind of way only women from the Hamptons can be.

When it was my turn, I chatted with her, she shook my hand (hers was small and rather cold actually) and my camera.......my little disposable (pre digital) with two precious pictures left........would not work.   Luckily the lovely mom and daughter buddies I had made while in line, came to my rescue and snapped a picture promising to send it to me.   (They never did btw.)   Martha signed my books and offered us all an oversized postcard handout as a memento.  There were three to choose from and they were black and white photos of an ear of corn and an egg and a hen.   No explanation of why they took pictures of these items, but they were from Martha so we were thrilled!   The mother and daughter tried to take one of each design....each, but the pucker-faced assistant called them on the carpet, informing the room that it was "ONE ONLY PER PERSON".   

It was fun meeting Martha Stewart.   I still have the books she signed, and the weird photo-card of the ear of corn.   The best part however was as I left the room, I saw the line to meet her stretch unbelievably long...I mean it was HUGE!  And when all those mormon women saw me, an obviously gay guy, with a non existant wife smiling triumpantly, signed books in hand...... they didn't look pleased at all.  

I smiled to myself and thought,  "Fuck em.   I met Martha."