Now I Can Believe It

"If you want to discriminate, there is no place for it in America"

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Time Travel Thursday

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We're Standing With You Dan

Sending prayers, good wishes and good vibes for a speedy recovery.   Thank you for all the work you have done, and are doing LT.  Your community owes you a substantial debt of gratitude.  

Kristine W says it perfectly.....It's gonna be Alright.

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Christmas Crack

Today is "C-Day" at our house.

C-H-R-I-S-T-M-A-S  Decorating day.

The house has been cleaned, scoured, dusted, shined and vacuumed to within an inch of it's life.

I've lugged the Christmas decoration boxes inside,  and later I will pull them one by one out of the dining room and begin unpacking all the treasures, all the memories, all the newly acquired Christmas Junk and attack the house with the frenzy of a masculine Martha Stewart on Christmas Crack.

I'll break for lunch sometime around 1-1:30 but it will be a light meal because I'll have snacked on the mountain of Christmas Cookies I've been preparing for goody boxes and party favors.

The house will be finished around 5 and I'll succumb to my own diabetic infused coma for around an hour....then order pizza.

The house will shine, and wait with baited angel hair for the party next sunday when relatives in and out of state will descend  en masse for a family holiday party which we haven't held for the better part of a decade.  Who knew so many would say "Yes" so fast when I called them?   However during the lull before the familial storm, we will enjoy the house in the quiet solitude of overdecorated brilliance.

Such is the life of gay men during the holidays.

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Could You Step Back A Bit Please.

If I came with an owner’s manual it would have a few helpful tidbits. Such as: If I’m driving, don’t bug me by grabbing my arm or touching me….anywhere really (and this includes my Mom). If I’m at a party, no problem….get as close as you want. If you have a beef with me? You’d better not be so close I can smell your breath. And if I’m in line at Fred Meyer waiting to return something…I do NOT want to feel your body heat on MY back, which is exactly what happened today.

So I’m returning a vacuum cleaner belt because I bought the wrong one. It’s a simple exchange, and I know it’s near Christmas….I also know it’s a Saturday…..I can handle crowds. I’m the next person in line behind a Hispanic woman and it’s taking forfreakingever. She doesn’t speak English and they’re translating the complicated procedure for her credit card dilemma. I’m patient, it’s Christmas time, so all is golden. As we continue to wait, I can feel the line growing, and then I literally feel ‘it‘. My bubble….my personal space has been invaded. I shift ahead slightly…..the invader moves with me. There’s no touching, so I’m sure it isn’t a pick pocket or perv…but my irritability grows.

A person's personal space and comfort zone, varies. Estimates place it at about 24 inches on either side, 28 inches in front and about 16 inches behind for an average westerner. This person was practically resting their chin on my shoulder, so having reached the point of no return I take a half a step forward and turn which put’s me almost nose to nose with a 60 year old man. He’s startled. I’m pissed.

“Could you step back a bit please” I say with a barely even voice, just a little too loudly.  It's not a question, and he get's the point.  But then.....Mr "Imsocloseletsbefriends", get’s this constipated look on his face and takes a couple steps back which causes the other 10 people to move back as well….. and they are not happy. I see irritable faces and I actually hear grumbling, but do I give a flying candy cane? No.

I turn around , my precious bubble again intact just as my Spanish speaking friend whips out a wad of cash and solves her problem and finally I’m at the counter.

When my transaction is done (in about 2 minutes) I tell the clerk “Merry Christmas“, and then turn to face the hostile masses and gave them a “Merry Christmas” as well.

I loves me the holidays…..but I love my bubble even better.

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Up To 'Here'

From time to time I reach a saturation point when it comes to TV.
  
The bad news, horrifying news, the sometimes crushing disappointments and sickening politics, just get to be too much for me.   I didn't used to be this affected by the news, but I've noticed during the last couple years this is the case.  

DADT, ENDA, Tax cuts for the rich, Lawmakers and Representatives who lie, Presidents who fail miserably on their campaign promises, murders, rapes......I've had it.

So today I'm "TV free"...... for today.   I'm not insane after all, I could never just forego the news.   But just for today, I'm taking a break from CNN, MSNBC and the occasional Faux News moment of insanity.....for my sanity.

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Time Travel Thursday

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"Cousin Liz" ahead of her time

My parents used to control the tv dial. Remember those days? The days when TV's had dials and Parents, not children, decided on what was watched as a 'gasp' family?

One of the shows we had to endure was All In the Family. We had a love hate relationship with it. On the one hand we LOVED Edith. The sweet, innocent "dingbat" as Archie called her was the best. Archie however, sort of epitomized my dad who laughed a little too loudly every time Arch said a racial epitath, which was all the time.

As an adult I've been surprised at how much "I" now enjoy watching All In the Family. I'm sure some of it is childhood nostalgia, but that was one smart show. As kids we didn't fully understand how the show demonstrated Archie's ignorance and the plot lines were truly both timely and WAY ahead of their time.

AITF dealt with a handful of gay storylines. Of course they were produced in the early to mid 70s when top stories on the news included Anita Bryant and Harvey Milks saga so it stands to reason 'gay' was a hot, timely topic.

Yesterday I watched AITF and it was the "Cousin Liz" episode.

Edith's school teacher cousin dies, and she and Archie attend the funeral and wake. The wake is held at Cousin Liz's apartment which she shared for over 25 years with her 'roommate' Veronica. When Veronica overhears Archie planning to take a special silver tea set which belonged to Edith's family, the Cousnins relationship is explained very poignantly to an at first confused Edith who ultimately champions the couple.

Veronica:  "Your cousin liz and I were .. we were extremely fond of each other."
Edith:  "Oh, I know. We was, too."
Veronica:  ".. you see Edith .. we... we loved each other."
Edith:  "I know. We loved each other, too. I can remember when we was kids in school  we was like sisters."
Veronica:  "No, this wasn't like that... We loved each other in a different way."
Edith:  "What way?"
Veronica:  "More like a marriage."

Edith:  "A marriage? Oh no, it couldn't be."

long pause....

"Oh....."


All In the Family was truly ahead of it's time.

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I Think Santa Is Following Me

About this same time last year I was feeling a little blue, and while I was waiting in line at a local drive thru.......... I saw Santa! I can't tell you how that simple event raised my spirits.

Yesterday I was going to the grocery store and I saw him again! Of course he wasn't wearing the suit,because (duh)...it's waaaay to early, but it was the same car and the same beard and this time he was chatting on a cell phone.

I think Santa is following me. Good thing I've been nothing but 'nice' this year!

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Pricetag On Civil Rights

The Atlanta police reached a settlement with the Eagle on the raid last year, remember that? Last year they burst through the doors in full SWAT gear, brutalized a couple patrons screaming anti-gay slurs and were just in general total douche bags.

I remember being dumbfounded when I first heard about that story. Can you imagine what that must have been like? That day at the Atlanta Eagle was closely reminiscent of that night in NYC at the Stonewall Inn……..but this was 2009.  One thing that's clear, is that the struggle for civil rights is far from over, and that's sad.
While I’m not a bar-gay anymore, I try to place myself in that situation and wonder what I would have done. Would I have been defiant and possibly been beaten? Would I have been brazen and resisted? Would I have kept quiet or maybe even snapped a few precious pictures to document the brutality?

I don’t know.

For all the Atlanta Pds posturing after the incident, today the news is they settled the lawsuit somewhere north of a million bucks.

A million bucks huh?

I guess civil rights come cheap these days

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Horror Of A Good Man

I never thought I would write a letter to a man incarcerated for three counts of murder, but last night I did just that.
In the mid 1980s, my grade school Principal took a shotgun and murdered his wife and two young daughters. I vividly remember watching the news and listening in horror as they played one of the girls 911 call which ended with a shotgun blast.

During the early 70s when I was in the first grade, it was a tough time for my family. My mother brought my sister and I to a small Idaho town on a wing and a prayer and we lived with my grandparents. It was an especially hard winter, and I was scared at the idea of a new school and new town. One day I became sick and wanted to go home. There were some other kids in the office with the same problem, and Mr Stover drove several of us home. I was the last one to be dropped off but there was a problem. Because we had just moved, I didn’t know my exact address, but I knew the street. Mr Stover drove me up and down, block after block hoping I would recognize my house. We didn’t find it, and had to return to school, but along the way he reassured me it was ’okay’ and was incredibly kind to me. I’ve never forgotten that afternoon. .

We moved that summer and the next school year Mr Stover became the Principal at my new school.

In the third grade, I was bullied by a crossing guard at lunch time. Once I identified the kid, he took care of the situation and I never had another problem.

When I was in the 6th grade, there was a boy who arrived in the latter part of the year and only stayed a month or so. The other kids wanted nothing to do with him, but we became friends even though it cost me socially. I remember he had a truly horrible home life. While working on a project, I clearly remember him saying “I wish Mr. Stover was my dad.” I protested, but he was adamant that he was a better choice than his own father.

That said a lot. Mr Stover affected a lot of kids that way. He was a remarkable, kind, soft-spoken man who truly cared about all his students. His family meant the world to him, and it showed.

When the mid 80s rolled around, the Stovers went through hard times and moved to Boise. He couldn’t find a position with the school system there and he tried selling insurance. Bills mounted, tensions within the family rose and somewhere along the way he lost himself and his mind. According to the news, in a moment of despair, believing his family would soon be homeless and they would starve…. he lost his mind….. and his family lost their lives. It was horrible, our little town was shaken to the core.

I believe in the death penalty, I believe there is unspeakable evil in the world like in the Petit case.
Mr Stover was not evil. Yes he did an evil horrible thing….but that was a result of a broken, delusional man. He’s been in prison for 25 years now and he wont be eligible for parole for many years to come.   He’s now in his late 70s and from what I heard he doesn’t remember that fateful day and is adamant he could never have done such a horrible thing.

I don’t know why he’s been on my mind lately, but he has.  I also don't know about attoning for sins of that magnitude.....is it even possible?   All I can say for sure, is that his life up to that tragic day has to have counted for something, and it's important for me to let him know how he touched my life.

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A Unicorn F@#$ing A Dolphin

If I were to get a tattoo, it would have to be a unicorn fucking a dolphin in front of a beautiful gay rainbow.  

Why?  because I'd cock it up anywhich way I went.   My 'cool' would be nerdy.   My 'cutting edge' would be sooooo 80s.

I admire some tattoos on some people, but when it comes down to it, I just don't trust myself to make that kind of commitment.

I have two nephews who are pierced and tattooed beyond belief. Though I love them dearly, if I’m being 100 percent honest…..they look just plain awful. Demonic skulls, writhing monsters…and other rotten art decorate arms, legs, heads and other nether regions so…..for me the mere idea of getting inked is too much. I can’t get over that the blonde sweet face I used to kiss goodnight is now a shaved headed walking nightmare of living ‘art’.


I love watching the Tattoo shows on TLC.  Miami INK (which I think has been canceled for awhile) and of course Kat Von D's show LA Ink are really fun.   I am amazed at Kat's work, although for such a pretty girl.....she just looks so freaking dirty to me.  And I'm not talking 'dirty = hot' either.....more like  dirty = tetanus and an STD coctail.
Tattoos look great on some guys…hot even, but on other’s not so much. What separates David Becham from Jim Bob? Is it the bank account? Is it the subject matter?

For me, getting a tatt simply would not work right now....I know my limitations.  But in the future?  I guess the unicorn fucking the dolphin in front of a gay rainbow could happen, when I'm in my 80s.

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Time Travel Thursday

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We've Forgotten

We have forgotten about AIDS.   Well, maybe not completely......but almost.

Of those currently infected with HIV, one in five doesn't know they have the condition, and the majority of new infections are spread by people who are unaware of their own status.

About 41% of new infections last year affected young people aged 15-24, and women accounted for about 51% of new infections.

I am 43, which might as well be 158 in gay years...but I'm okay with that.  Really.

I was 2 years old when Stonewall was happening, 8 when Anita Bryant was singing about orange juice while trying to eradicate gay people.  I was 16 when I saw my first gay pride parade and heard my beloved grandmother spit out the words "Sick Queers", and I was 18 when Rock Hudson died and I began hearing about the "Gay Cancer" known as AIDS.  

I didn't think AIDS would ever touch MY life.  But it has.    I'm HIV negative, but that's as much due to luck as it is foresight, and I thank God I have my health.   But my cousin's husband, who had leukemia when he was 23 received a blood transfusion and that's how he became infected.   A friend of mine lost his wife and two children when he became HIV positive and the dark secret he'd held all his life finally came out.    And an acquaintance in my small town was on a mission to infect as many people as he could before he died.

AIDS touches us all, but these day's it seems as though we've forgotten about it. 

We need to reconnect with those who are "living with, living with not dying from disease" every day.

We need to contribute with whatever resources we have for those who's time is running out.  

We need to be responsible.  

We need to Remember what it was like when we started dying horrible quick deaths and nobody, but nobody gave a flying fuck about a sick queer.

We Need To Remember, and ACT UP.

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Love My Hair

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Remembering Matthew

Seems like we're adding names 'to remember' left and right lately, there's so much hate out there.  I hope and pray the trend stops....but the truth is, it won't stop until it ends with you and me taking a stand.  

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This Should Be National

This wasn't produced by a nation wide power player ad agency...this is grass roots and in my opinion.....very very effective.   (found via Joe.My.God)

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I Guess That's Why They Call Them Crushes

I distinctly remember the argument with my cousin.

"I get to be Ponch!"

"No, I do!"

Riveting eh?   We were somewhere around 7 or 8 (maybe 9)  but CHiPs was the big thing on television and motorcycle cops were what all our friends were playing and we were no exception.

Ponch was so cool.  He had the hair and the teeth (almost like the Osmonds) plus it was fun pretending our bikes were motorcycles and riding side by side like they did on TV.   I of course, won the argument and my cousin Larry had to be "the blonde guy".   We didn't even know Larry Wilcox's characters name. (Officer Jon Baker FYI).  He was definitely the second bananna as far as we were concerned.

Then I saw the episode where he was wearing a blue bathrobe.   I don't remember the storyline but I remember being mesmerized at the sight of him in that terrycloth blue robe and from then on I was just fine playing Officer Baker. 

Now, I'm an adult and my prebuescent crush is accused of being part of a stock fraud scheme which sounds so blase' until you learn the end goal would have put peoples pensions and futures at risk....and all in the name of greed.  How vile.  

I guess it's a part of growing up when reality creeps in and fantasy fades.   I'll always remember Officer Jon Baker in his blue terrycloth bathrobe, but never in quite the same way........that must be why they call them 'crushes'.

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Asshat In Sheeps Clothing

I always kind of liked Rick Sanchez on CNN, and wondered what the heck was up with this guy when he was fired a few days ago.   He's known for being somewhat opinionated and outspoken which I'm okay with, after all I don't have to agree with every word that comes out of someone elses mouth, and healthy discourse makes me think which is always a good thing, know what I'm sayin???? Hmmmm? 

But I definitely raised an eyebrow when I heard his Jewish remarks about John Stewart, and I wondered if maaaaaybe he'd taken a sip of the ol' crazy koolaid Mel Gibson has been chugging the last few years.

This morning I woke up to find him being interviewed on GMA and I thought for a second there was a glimmer of hope as he opened the interview by saying "I screwed up, this was not CNN's fault" yadda yadda yadda.  Someone taking responsiblity?  It sounded refreshing!  Then he kept talking.

Sanchez went on to explain his comments by the old "I was tired" excuse,  saying he'd been working 14 hour days for over two months......which sounds perfectly logical doesn't it?  I mean when I'm dead tired I also just start hurling racial/ethinic stereotypes at people our of sleep deprivation don't you?    

Then it's as if he thought one excuse wasn't good enough so he added a few more.   His reason for the racial comments, he continued to explain......evolved because he wanted to go to his daughters softball game during the interview....THEN it turned into he was mad because there were no other Latino news anchors besides him and it just wasn't fair.   THEN to buffer that last excuse he shared a story about helping his immigrant father deliver furniture to a rich ladys house and when he asked the white rich woman for a glass of water, she told him to go outside and drink from the spigot.   

How utterly sad and tragic that this guy I once thought was pretty cool....was just another asshat is sheeps clothing.

Good riddance Sanchez......you're pathetic.

Here's what he had to say about Tyler Clementi's non existant bullying.   How'd I miss this?

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Time Travel Thursday

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Rain And A Regular Wednesday

Is there anything better than waking up to the sound and smell of rain?
  
Sure it can get old after awhile, but it was particularly nice this morning.

I'm not sure what's on the tap for today, a few errands, lunch, dishes.  Boring stuff...... the stuff of living.

It's tempting to feel ho-hum about a regular everyday sort of day but I'm trying to adjust my outlook, because let's face it.....even my most boring day of the week beats the pants off what other people have to contend with in other parts of the world.   After all, I don't have to worry about grabbing what posessions I can carry and scrambling to higher ground because of flooding.   I don't (necessarily) have to duck every time a plane flies a little too low near my house, I have food in my pantry, a man who loves me, a full tank of gas, some awesome pets and family I care about.  

All in all, this is a pretty spectacular day now that I think about it. 

Even if it is raining..................for the third day in a row.

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Feeling Sorry For....

I woke up this morning, from a gay dream, in my gay bedroom and turned on my big gay TV.  For about an hour I channel surfted from one gay show to another, thinking gay thoughts and then I finally got up.   I looked in my gay mirror at the biggest gay I'd seen all day and gave myself a wink.    After flirting with my big gay self, I hit the gym where I was surrounded by all sorts of gays doing gay things.  After my workout I showered and got ready for work by putting on my gay clothes and the gayest cologne I had on my gay shelf in my gay locker.  Then I gaily headed off to my gay job.

I feel sorry for those poor souls who aren't gay.  What a life of drudgery they must lead.

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Born That Way

I have no experience being Italian, Jewish, Female, Blue Eyed, or Left-handed. So if I were to mount a public campaign against....let's say left handed people telling them I knew for certain they were not BORN left handed, but instead chose the sick immoral lifestyle of using their left hand predominantly...wouldn't you think I was insane?

Would the goal of my argument be to convince lefties to be righties? Or would it simply be a transparent effort to convince others that lefties were of the devil, reprobates or "less-thans"?

Why do political candidates and religious leaders even receive airtime with this drivel?
Let's step out of the crazy box for just a second and imagine some of the current crop of nuts like O'Donnell and Paladino, and the whackadoodle from Nevada get elected, because like it or not,  it is a possibility. O'Donnells campaign is picking up speed and Sharon Angle for all her batshit comments might look like a longshot but she hasn't been stomped in the dust like she should have been from the get go. So IF they get elected...what influence will they have on policy? What will life be like for their constituents? What will it be like for US when that kind of thinking becomes acceptable and spreads to OUR neck of the woods?

The pathetic rhetoric of 'gays weren't born gay' may be laughable to you and I...but if it is allowed to be repeated and repeated and repeated...we may just find ourselves in a very familiar struggle all over again.

When the Nazis came for the communists,
I remained silent;
I was not a communist.


When they locked up the social democrats,
I remained silent;
I was not a social democrat.


When they came for the trade unionists,
I did not speak out;
I was not a trade unionist.


When they came for the Jews,
I remained silent;
I wasn't a Jew.


When they came for me,
there was no one left to speak out

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Oh My God

Over breakfast a couple days ago I mentioned that I had prayed for D- and his upcoming test, which has been weighing on his mind lately and he seemed a little surprised.

"I didn't know you still prayed"

Hello? I thought to myself.....have we just met?"

"Of course I pray " I said.   "I still believe in God, just not religion"

What followed was a familiar conversation to us, exploring the idea/nature/belief of God, suicide and the hereafter.  Deep stuff over a cheesy omlette at eight in the morning.

I think it's natural at this stage of life....(that stage being middle age ),  to contemplate the bigger questions about....oh let's say eternity for instance.

I was always a deeply religious kid.  Sunday school, church, youth group, bible camp...you name it I was involved.  I also went to Bible College in an attempt to reach God and cure myself of being gay.   If I'd stayed on that path, I would have went on to Seminary, eventually married a woman and pastored a church.  I also most certainly would have cheated on said wife and congregation with men and paid a tragic price.

I don't pretend to know all the answers about God and heaven and hell, but those subjects were on my mind when I woke up at 5:30 this morning and couldn't go back to sleep.   

This is how I look at it:   Protestants, Catholics, Jews, Muslims, Mormans...take your pick.  They all think they have the "ONE WAY" to God.   They all have their beliefs and some will, have or just might even kill you if you cross them.
   
Every religion can't be right...so who is?   I don't know.

I DO believe there is a God, for many reasons, intelligent design being the most logical non belief based one off the top of my head.   In my opinion religion per se is mans device to reach the Divine.  D- would add that it's also mans invention to control the masses-- I think both views are right.  I also think religion, is one of the most destructive things to the soul, but that's a whole other tangent.

When it comes to God, the thing is, we just don't know.   Until He (or some would say "She", but  that's blasphemy!) let's us know first hand ....it will remain the greatest mystery of life.

I know personally when I pray, it comforts me.....I don't feel alone...and I have experienced Gods influence in very real and tangible ways...and no church, or religion can change that or take it away.  The rest?  I'll just have to wait and see, just like everyone else.

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Blood On Our Hands

You and I didn't violate Tyler Clementi's privacy and shatter his soul.   We didn't taunt, torment or attack the other young people who committed suicide this week either....but you and I are guilty.

I won't get overly maudlin or introspective with this post, but my premise is this.

You and I could be mentoring a young gay adult.  I could be volunteering at the GLBT community center, you could be doing the same thing.   Each of us COULD be calling our school officials, city, state and federal representatives inquiring about anti bullying policies, insisting some be put in place, making ourselves heard, being an unrelenting pain in the ass to those who effect policy.  We could be having a dialog with Aunt Betty or Cousin Dan showing them their favorite niece or cousin is a proud, out gay American deserving of equal rights and respect.

You and I COULD be doing all these things and maybe even save the life of someone who thinks tomorrow is too full of pain and despair to go on one more minute. 

We COULD be making a difference......but are we doing any of the above?  

When this story dies down and Tyler Clementi becomes a sad footnote in a forgotten chapter of last weeks news, if we do nothing....you, and I ....will still have blood on our hands.

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FB Photo Of The Year

This was on Facebook today.   Here's the guy's page that originally posted it.  http://www.facebook.com/photo.php?pid=31578982&id=1146373033  He's received a lot of kudos for finding and posting this.   I personally  L O V E    I T.

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Elisabeth .......

It's true....."They've done studies" as Mrs H pointed out on the view today!

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Good Taste

Joy Behar:  "Your mother, Judy Garland and you, are such gay icons.  Why is that?"

Liza:   "Because they have good taste."

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Who Do You Think YOU Are?

About two years ago I began working on restoring the old family pictures, and I wondered about the people, and the times they lived in etc.   We knew a tiny bit about my mom's side of the family and practically nothing about my dads.   Then last Christmas, I decided I would see if I could research my family tree.   I had no clue as to how to begin, and I soon hit a brick wall and gave up. 

Then, "Who Do You Think You Are" aired on TV. 

Produced by Lisa Kudrow, the show featured real life family searches by celebrities.  Sarah Jessica Parker, Matthew Broderick, Susan Sarandon, Brooke Shields and Spike Lee were all favorites of mine and so I watched.  It was amazing and lit a fire under me to try again.  This time I was successful.
It's kind of daunting to start a search like this because you never know what you'll find, and I found some doozies, but I had to get started because my mom is the oldest remaining person on her family side and when she goes, all that she knew would have gone with her.  
Everyone wants to find someone famous in their family tree, or some amazing incredibly fantastic story to tell about an ancestor and I was no exception.  However I didn't think I would get far in my search or that there would be anything notable.    I was wrong.

My mom's side of the family is amazing.   My great great grandfather fought in the civil war, as did his father.   Then because the genealogical community is so connected I found his line all the way back to before 1776.   On my grandmother's side, her family is a direct line from Stukely Westcott who came to the new world and established Rhode Island and the first Baptist church.  Go figure.

As neat as that information was, it didn't compare to the excitement I felt when I tracked down my great grandmother's brothers who had disappeared from the family.   One divorced his wife and married a black woman, the other was a true cad.   He was a successful rancher who divorced his wife, and left his six children, and was shot and killed in 1924 by his second wife while visiting a whore house.    The court records from his case are riveting.  It was a huge scandal....and his wife (who shot him) was found not guilty.  

I've also found out some not so proud information, including being related to Benedict Arnold...yes that one, a great grandmother on my father's side who was in the KKK, and two first cousins who married each other (thank god my family isn't from their line)

So there's good and bad and a whole lot of inbetween when you start searching your family tree.    If you haven't looked into yours, I would encourage you to do so.  It's an amazing journey.

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La Lohan Parte Deux

I'm a Lindsay Lohan sympathizer probably because she reminds me so much of my wayward niece.  So sad to see a talented kids life swirl down the toilet. 

During her court appearance yesterday I did notice her nails and thought "Wow that is one shitty manicure".   Today I ran across this blowup of said manicure from an article on CNN.  

Lindsay was offering up a little message on her middle finger.   How sad this kid just doesn't get it.  

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Get Better Lindsay

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Special Order Of The Court?

So I get back, and find out I'm up for jury duty.

Okay...no big deal.  I found out in plenty of time, and really, I'm all for serving.   I believe in the system (in it's imperfect perfectness....mostly) and since I escaped serving the first time I was called when I was 25, I'm kinda looking forward to it.

I wonder if it will be like "Twelve Angry Men"....or "The Juror".   Will it be hot and sexy like "The Practice?" Or cleverly funny like "Ally McBeal"?  What will I wear?  Will I be sequestered?  

I quickly receive my card which is complete with my juror number and instructions, so I log on to check my schedule.   There are three groups of numbers and in the third category which I fall into....there is the little added text.  It reads:  "Numbers 1216 through the number 1349 appear, by special order of the court; Friday, July 9th at 9:00 a.m."

By special order of the court?  Huh?  Me?  Why me?  What doesthismean?

The county clerk has not called me back.   So I'm left wondering!

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It's Monday!

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Happy 4th

I've been traveling, sunning, and just enjoying life.   Hope to be home soon and blogging again.  Have a Happy 4th !!

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Family Service

When I was a little kid, my father (who had served in the Air Force during the Korean War), told me the story about my grandfather.  

The story was about how grandpa (my father's step dad) had served time in prison because he was a conscientious objector during WWII.   A devout Jehovas Witness, he didn't believe in fighting or killing.  My dad, who was prejudiced beyond belief about anyone who was different or believed differently than he did, told the story every memorial day when I was little.

I had a brother who served in the Armed Forces during Vietnam when I was an infant, and other family members who had served in both world wars so memorial day was important all the way around.  

I believed in military service from a very young age, so much so that I was willing to join when I was 19 and sign an oath I wasn't a homosexual.

Years later, after my father died, I found out he had been discharged from the Air Force with a 'less than honorable' label attached to his service record.   I never found out why, though I could have.   It also made me think about how proud my dad he had been when I joined......but how if he had lived long enough to learn I was gay....odds are he would have disowned me. 

I still believe in serving one's country, and that includes in the military.   If we are privileged to the point of living here and enjoying the freedom the rest of the world envies...we have a duty to serve and protect that.....even if we're gay.  

This memorial day I remember my family members who have passed...those who served, and those who were simply a part of the tapestry of my life.    I also pause to honor those currently serving.....and those whos service has been hindered or destroyed by DADT. 

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No, Please. Do Tell.

I voted for the guy, I've supported him because I know he has a full plate of issues on his table......issues that affect the entire country.

But he promised.

I'm a sorta-kinda patient person.   I realize things take time, priorities shift, things come up.

But he promised.

I know better than to believe a politician.  After all, they have to be all things to all people, work the room, make the deals....make friends.....make
 ....compromises.

But he promised.

I thought this President, would be different....because he promised.

DADT is wrong.   The President and his last minute compromises are wrong.  

Give me a reason to believe in your promises Mr. President......because you promised....and so far I see nothing but excuses.

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I'm The Kinda Guy.....

I'm the kinda guy that performs at his best when there's a deadline involved.  An end goal, a reward (or penalty) at a firm finish line.

For me, there has to be something 'to' the journey.  A method to the madness otherwise, otherwise I flail.

If I have an open-ended amount of time, I don't do well....I procrastinate.....I get distracted by shiny things.

I know this about myself and while I hate it, I've come to accept it,  It's just who I am.

This doesn't mean I don't enjoy free time, because I do.   But too much free time?  Too much expanse without a final destination?  To me, that is well.....'yawn'. 

What about you?   Do you enjoy deadlines?  Goals etc?  

  

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It's My Birthday Bitches!

Another year, another birthday.  I think I'm just beginning to realize they are piling up surprisingly fast.   Oh well, no time for self-pity.  I'm privileged to be in this world and count my glbt friends as my family.
 
Today it will be chinese for dinner, followed by the cake I have insisted on since the first grade:  devils food chocolate cake with chocolate frosting, round, two layers.....and no fucking candles.

So carbs be damned!   It's my birthday bitches!

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Happy Birthday Harvey

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Full Circle

It was 1985. Ronald Reagan was President, Amadeus won the Oscar for Best Picture, New Coke was introduced and I was about to graduate High School.

Twin Falls Idaho was (and in many respects still is), a small town USA kinda town. Patriotism, church, conservativsm all reigned supreme. I knew I was gay, but could not envision a future anything close to what I have now. I felt very much alone, and remember the 80s were pre internet so unless you moved to a big(ger) more progressive city…you really were kind of alone.

My graduation present came early, a project and gift from my Dad. It was a 1972 Plymouth Satellite Sebring, in original condition with a 440 V8 engine and a cassette deck.

At that time, I heard a song on a TV show and tracked it down to the group “The Nylons“.  Once I played that tape in my graduaction car I fell in love with them, eventually learning every song, backwards and forwards.

The song “Up the Ladder” and “Please” blared through my car windows, competing with the roar of the engine as I cruised through town in my vintage muscle car. It was a good time in life, full of sun, possibilities and care free youth. I loved all the songs on that cassette….they spoke to me. The Nylons were all about soaring accapella, intricate harmonies, pristine vocals and rich lyrics that bent your heart to their story.

Then life happened, cars changed, cassettes morphed to Cds and MP3s and I mostly forgot about that special group I spent my spring and summer with.

Recently on You tube a chain of accidental clicks reminded me of The Nylons and I found them once again. My friends from long ago were still there, as well as new favorites from their old material. As I watched the vids I had a feeling they might just be family. It wasn’t just the funny 80’s fashion…or their dance moves…or the fact I detected facial wasting in the lead singer Marc Connors. It was something more, and it inspired me to find out more about them. So, I did a search and couldn’t believe what I learned.

They were gay. All of them.

It was an emotional moment for me.  While I was beginning my life as an 18 year old gay kid…their songs had became a part of my life, and little did I know we shared a bond, a kinship.

The story of the original group is amazing, heart breaking and touching all at the same time. And even though "out" gay entertainers were practically non-existent in the 1980s…they connected with a young gay man just starting out in life. The Nylons have owned my heart for a couple decades, now we’ve come full circle and I feel I owe them my thanks.
The above were my favorites from all those years ago....the one in the Daily Aural is my new favorite.

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Time Travel Thursday

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Chalk It Up

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BIZZY Day!

Today was one of those days where I was playing catch-up from the moment my feet hit the floor!  It wasn't a bad day, just freakin busy...so in lieu of a real post (and believe me I had plans for one)......here's a photo I came across that kinda floored me.

I love them both, but daay-ham!

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This Week's Artist Spotlight

This Week's Artist Spotlight is Ross Bleckner.  His slideshow featuring some of his work is in the far right column. 

Ross Bleckner new he wanted to be an artist from childhood, but unlike most children who eventually leave behind the joy of creativity, he stayed with it, and today at 60 he has achieved a level of skill and popularity most can only dream of.
He graduated high school in 1967, and attended NYU where an influential art teacher advised him to enroll in art school, which he did in the early 70’s. At California Institute of the Arts, conceptualism and minimalism were the trends and his early painting reflected some aspects of those genres.

For the last 25 years, his art has been largely an investigation of change, loss, and memory, often addressing the subject of AIDS. Mr. Bleckner uses symbolic imagery rather than direct representation, and his work is visually elusive, with forms that constantly change focus.  An influential Gay Activist, He is also a philanthropist, donating time and money to many organizations and is on the board of ACRIA, the AIDS Community Research Initiative of America.
When asked how the AIDS epidemic affected his work he said in part, “For me, AIDS in the 80s when I was in my 30s, was an issue which signaled kind of an end to an era of unbridled optimism about what it actually meant to live, a normal life-span. So suddenly endless optimism became a sense of a fear of mortality. I think that became a very pervasive sense of consciousness regardless of what your sexuality was, and that was very profound”.

http://www.rbleckner.com/press28.html , http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Ross_Bleckner , http://bigthink.com/rossbleckner

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Time Travel Thursday

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I Need To Prooffread

I just left a comment on one of my favorite blogs and yet again...failed to proof it before hitting enter. 

How many times can one use the word 'amazing' without sounding like a seventeen year-old air head?

This bitch needs to start proofing!

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A Rainy Day & A Huffy Ten Speed

It is freakin raining....again.  

I gotta say, I'm longing for some sun, some blue sky, some free time outside, but it just isn't happening.

I have a love/hate relationship with rainy days.  I always sleep sounder when it's raining, I love storms, I don't have to water the lawn, and by nature I'm an 'enjoy the dark' kinda person so I'm usually welcoming to this kind of weather.  

On the other side, I know I'm somewhat prone to depression so too much of a good thing simply isn't.   I also need to be active and rain seems to prevent that.

My main rainy day memory is a good one.  

It was raining on my tenth birthday, and my older sister gave me her brand new ten speed bike as a present.  I was beyond excited as I had been coveting that metal steed the whole week.   It was a baby blue (mens) Huffy ten speed, the coolest bike around and it represented so much fun and freedom to my ten year old self. 

I had opened her card feeling blue and found the key to her bike lock.   She wrote, "Geoff you already have the key to my heart, so I'm giving you the key to your new bike.'   I was so excited I raced out to the back patio to exercise the ownership which came with the small key.   I couldn't ride because it was really pouring, but I stood there practically stroking my new gift while the rain hit the metal patio cover-- so much fun at my finger tips...so much freedom, just out of reach.  

You might think that's a bad memory as far as the rain is concerned, but it isn't.   It was an integral part of that day so many years ago, and I guess it's a good life lesson.    It's good to have delays in life like the rain was for me on that birthday.   Maybe the rain makes us appreciate the joyous sunny days more than we would otherwise, and whose to say we can't find joy in the delays themselves? 

After all, I can still hear those very raindrops today.

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Lena Horne

Much like Daphne Moone off of Frasier, I am a little bit psychic.   Nothing major, nothing earth shattering...mostly inconsequential stuff that has no bearing.

This weekend, I kept thinking about Lena Horne on the Cosby Show and wondered aloud how old she was and if she was still singing.  

Odd huh?  Especially given she passed away yesterday.  

I'm not a huge Lena Horne buff, but I knew of her.   She was more of my mother's generation, but I loved her signature song "Stormy Weather" and read about her contribution to Civil Rights in the 60s and beyond.

In addition to her huge talent, she had a little bit of a temper.  Okay, a huge helping of temper when it came to civil rights.   During the war, she would perform for the soldiers, but the Military made her perform for the white soldiers first, and then the black.   On one famous occasion, when she returned to the mess hall to do the 2nd show, she saw the first few rows were full of white guys, and found out they had seated German prisoners of war in front of the black soldiers.   She flew into a rage and marched off the stage performing the entire show in between the dividing row with her back to the prisoners.  

On another occasion in the early 1960's, she was performing a show in the states and during her set, overheard a drunk white man hurl a racial slur at her.  She flew into a rage throwing an ashtray, a table lamp and whatever she could lay her hands on at the guy, cutting his chin in the process.   When the media caught hold of it the next day, phone calls letters and telegrams flooded in supporting her and she recognized the commonality of the black struggle for civil rights.

"Geoff, watch when she sings" I remember my mother saying with a smile, "she's known for her trademark snarl......the way she curls her lips when she sings....a lot of men still think it's attractive". 

Lena Horne had a smooth voice, both when she was singing and speaking, and performed well into her later years.   She was an amazing woman.

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