Pop Overload

I'm definitely on pop overload this week....so much good stuff to digest!

Ricky Martin officially comes out.   Always loved the guy, now even moreso.  I'll be buying his upcoming book for sure.

Speaking of books, Rupaul also has a new one...and damnit I'm excited to get it.   Say what you want about Ru, but he is one smart drag queen.   While watching last seasons Drag Race, I was really impressed at what he had to say about self love, esteem, and working your ass off.  She rocks.

D and I watched the Blind Side this week.  I remember laughing when it first came out that I would never watch it.  (I have an aversion to actors playing 'southern') but I relented and loved it.  Sandra Rocks.    Her situation with Jesse James is sad.....and although he's scum....I have to admit.....I'd tap that.

Something else I hate to admit:  I'm looking forward to the new Tom Cruise movie "Knight & Day".   I despise the ego known as Tom Cruise.  I can't stomach his crazylookatmescientology ways....but this looks good.  Totally stoked for this flick.

And speaking of 'stoked'....that doesn't even begin to describe how excited I am about Christin Aguilera's new album which should be dropping in june.   The preview song "Not Myself Tonight"...is so incredibly cool.....I'm a giddy little school girl.

So there ya have it.  My "Pop Overload".......I haven't OD'd yet, but hey, it's only wednesday so who knows what else the week will bring.

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Livin La Vida Fabulosa!

"I am proud to say that I am a fortunate homosexual man. I am very blessed to be who I am."---Ricky Martin

I wasn't even sure I'd post this, because last time I was kind of bitch-slapped for having my own take on 'celebrities coming out'...but how can I pass this up? (and for that matter...why should I?)

I don't feel the same way about Ricky as I did about Sean Hayes. Double standard you cry? I don't see it that way. They're two totally different people and situations (and motives)....plus he's not being all condesceningly snide about it.

Welcome Ricky! Your rainbow toaster is in the mail.

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I Needed A Laugh

...and this fit the bill:

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Methinks He Doth Protest Too Much

If the ban on gays serving openly in the military is lifted, what does the Marine Corp's top officer say about housing?

"I would not ask our Marines to live with someone that's homosexual if we can possibly avoid it," Marine Commandant Gen. James Conway told a Web site in an interview posted Friday. "And to me that means we've got to build [barracks] that have single rooms."

Really? 

I guess the Commandant feels us queers just wouldn't be able to help 'sneaking a peek' or making  a pass at our fellow soldiers.   I mean after all......gays in the military would go through all the personal sacrifices....the blood sweat and tears to serve their country ONLY because we're secretly hoping a career in the military is a Falcon video 24/7.

The absolute stupidity of our nation's supposed 'finest'....baffles me.

My guess is the Commandant is making his assumptions based on his own personal struggles, and in this case I'd wager money "he doth protest waaaaaay too much".

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Hell No You Cant

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Hodge Podge

I admit it's been a rough couple days, but things are getting better.....I hope. 

Pep's funeral will be in a week.  Whenever anyone has died in my family someone always causes a scene, makes drama, creates pain.  This time was no exception.   Out of the cast of characters  I'm related to, I'm not surprised at who did what....just more embarassed and sad that they did it at all....which is an improvement because yesterday I was also angry.

Very....very....angry.  

But you take the progress where you can get it I guess, and not being fully drawn in to their craziness is something to be proud of.   I dunno.....for all the times I've heard "I'm just thinking about Pep"  I haven't seen much of that in action.  Just a lot of selfish psychotic sad people I have the unfortunate fate of sharing some common DNA with.

I just miss my brother.

Tonight was mostly  spent watching tv, and wow....The Tonight Show With Jay Leno was the gayest I've ever seen.    Johnny Weir was on the couch, feet tucked under him like a shy school girl and you know what?   I fuckin love that kid.    He was sweet, articulate and open and I really enjoyed his interview.  When Jay asked him about Stars On Ice refusing to hire him because he isn't "family friendly" (IE he's a flaming queer)....Johnny responded with a lot of tact and maturity.   The next guest was none other than KD Lang!  Can you believe it?   She didn't get interviewed, but instead just sang her latest country-ish ballad which is pretty much her trademark style for the last decade or two.  I haven't really listened to her work since Constant Craving, but her voice still sounds flawless.

Also, Michael Buble was on Letterman, but I only caught a few seconds of him.   Michael Buble is my secret crush...my eye and ear candy.  I know his shtick is Big Band/Sinatra stuff, but I wish he'd do more pop-like material such as "Just Haven't Met You Yet"....god I love that song.  

I couldn't think of a picture to accompany this post so I just typed in hodge podge and that quilt popped up.    I like it.

So that's the delio.....Thank you again for all the nice sentiments over the last few days.   You'll never really know how important they were to me when my psycho siblings flared up. 

I miss my brother.

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Peace

My brother died at 5:02 this morning.  He lived his life with a quiet, sweet dignity I hope all his siblings can emulate some day.   Thank you for all the good wishes.

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Almost A Year

Last april, I wrote about my brother's diagnosis of pancreatic cancer and how they had given him a short time to live.  At the time, the Doctors felt his cancer was too advanced for treatment, and that he had a matter of weeks, perhaps months to live.   His already devastating situation was more complex emotionally because he's an individual with special needs and lives in a care home in Northern Idaho. 

Two days ago he was taken to the hospital after a nasty fall during which he hit his head.   He had appeared disoriented and weaker than normal that day and they discovered he had peritonitis (sp?) which is an infection commonly seen in people suffering from pancreatic cancer.   They said they could treat it, and he would stay in the hospital for a few days.

 I spoke to him twice that day, and he sounded weaker than I have ever heard him sound before.... I knew it wouldn't be long.

This morning the Doctor called.  My brother had taken a turn for the worse, and developed pneumonia overnight.   "Now would be the time to come" he said.

Burdette, or Peppy as he is called in our family, is an amazing guy.   He was a musically gifted teenager with a bright future ahead of him......but sadly he was also a child of the seventies who's life took a tragic turn, and as a result he has lived the majority of his years in a care home.

The doctor this morning said it had been "-almost a year", since my brother learned his time was short.   And although that "almost a year" has truly been a gift......it just doesn't seem like it's enough.

I have to go pack now so I can say goodbye to him.   I won't be blogging for a few days, but I hope you take the time to enjoy your weekend, and let those whom you love, know that you love them....... because "almost a year" just isn't enough. .

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Time Travel Thursday

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Pinch Me

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Joining the Natl Guard & Spitting In Miss Idaho's Eye

I was scanning a few pics for some friends on facebook and took the inevitable trip down memory lane.

1987 was a busy year for me.   I was still in the closet, unsure of my future so during the summer break from college I decided to join the National Guard.  It wasn't the wisest idea, but it was the plan.  

The recruiter was excited to have me, I looked to be in good shape, had great grades and would be entering at a high rank.  I was nervous, but ready for the challenge.    The above picture was the night I was to leave for processing/orientation and then onto basic training.    Several of my friends showed up to see me off and I remember my dad being mad because I didn't want any pictures....but I relented, he calmed down and I was on my journey.  (I'm the one getting the hug).

The next morning during processing I vividly remember, having some young officer slide my paperwork in front of me with several items requiring my signature.   He would clarify certain provisions before I signed and I'll never forget when he got to the part where you had to swear you were not a homosexual.  

"This part here" he said, "just says you're not queer.  I can tell you're not queer so just initial here...and sign here".   

I signed.  

I actually did think about how there must have been others like me who signed the same oath...and how they must've felt lying.   My rationale was that I could lick the whole gay thing and  I could change.  In fact the whole endeavor was in the hope the service would change me.    As it turned out, I was 12 pounds over the weight limit for my height, and my blood pressure had spiked making them think I had hypertension.   The truth was, I didn't have high blood pressure...I was just scared shitless.  And the 12 lbs?  Well, look at that pic.   I worked out regularly, ran, and had a 34 waist at 5'11.  I was not fat, but the army was in a time of surplus of funding and man power and because of that, they deferred my entrance until I lost the 12 lbs and had a doctor certify my blood pressure was normal.

They actually flew me home on a commercial flight and I ended up at the airport with the same group of guys who were heading on to basic training.   They were a bunch of really cool and handsome guys who hung around me in a show of support (though I was secretly relieved) when Miss Idaho, complete with entourage and her sash ran up to me.  Yes, me.   She was a classmate of mine from highschool and the most beautiful girl I had ever known.   All the guys freaked out that a beauty queen was hugging one of their own (sort of) and went nuts.  I introduced them all (after my hug) and it was a good moment.  

It turned out she and I were on the same flight home, and we sat across from each other on the jet and chatted the whole trip.  She dulled the dissapointment (and relief) of my experience, and I was both excited to see my classmate and a little proud that "I" was chatting with a Miss USA contestant.  While we were talking across the aisle...I saw (in slow motion) a little bit of spittle fly out of my mouth.....arc....and crash into her eye.   I was humiliated and I'll never forget her beautiful face flinching as it made contact.   Neither of us acknowledged it, but the conversation died down significantly.

So that was how I ended my (brief) military experience.....by being rejected because of a ridiculous standard and spitting in Miss Idaho's eye.    

I got off lucky.  

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What If........

What if no one ever came out?


What would your life be like? Where would you be? What would you be doing?

If no one ever came out but instead stayed inside, remained hidden away. Who would you be today?

I, for one, would be a vastly different person.

I imagine I would have joined (and stayed in), the service. Perhaps the Army, more likely the Air Force given my father had served in the latter.

I have to squint though, tilt my head and scratch my chin to imagine any further.

I….think…….I would have found a woman to marry, and done my best to perform…..but I ….believe……I would have turned to alcohol out of frustration and emptiness self-pity and anger. That’s my best guess at least.
I doubt I ever would have written poetry, danced in the imagined privacy of my living room, stolen my first kiss with a high school classmate, received my first blowjob on the first yard line of my high schools football field at one a.m. on a Saturday morning.
I doubt I ever would have spread my wings from my home town, fallen in love 163 and ½ times. Made love outside watching the city lights glow in the approaching summer night.

I never would have met my partner through a chance moment that could only have occurred after a billion perfectly timed events began at my birth.

I have serious misgivings I ever would have kissed and made love in the rain to the most beautiful young man I ever laid eyes on………I wouldn’t have written my stories and dreams, they would have remained locked inside my heart unknown and unread. I wouldn’t have sang the songs I’ve sung at all, let alone with the passion and emotion that refused to be bottled up inside my soul. Passion borne out of lust and love and sex and hope and joy.

I wouldn’t have drawn, or painted the endless doodles, sketches and serious attempts at art that my hands produced throughout my years. I wouldn’t have formed the precious friendships that molded and inspired my life along the way……..

I would have been a vastly different person if no one had ever come out….shown bravery ….and pride….and love.

Thank God they did.

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I Don't Pretend

I don't pretend to understand everything about what it means to be Transgendered.   

I've known two people in my life who were "Trans".   The first was my junior high school friend Roberta.   We were friends throughout school (though her parents seemed to wish it was more than just friendship) and she (at the time) shared her story with me when we ran into each other after a couple years at a gay bar.   Long story short:  Roberta always knew there was something different about her, and on the outside it was her genitalia.  One night an emergency trip to the doctor revealed the excruciating pain in her side was actually her testes descending....things fell into place for my friend.  She was in her late twenties and she, the awkward red-headed girl, became Eric...a very handsome ginger guy. 

The second Transgendered person I came to know was Mickey.  Mickey, it turned out, was the uncle of one of my highschool classmates.   She gave up her family, friends and faith to be who she was inside.  A big, tall, extremely attractive man...became the big, tall and statuesque woman who unfortunately did not pass...... but that didn't matter to Mickey.  Today she lives the life she had no choice but to live, and she does so with courage and dignity.

My friend Eric disappeared to live his life, leaving Roberta to become a distant memory.   My friend Mickey (who I actually married to her wife) is still in my hometown but we are no longer friends.

So I was excited to watch the two hour CNN documentary on Steven/Susan Stanton.  

What a journey, what a life, what courage and strength.   I can't pretend to understand all the complexities and struggles that Transgendered people have to face, work through and overcome....but I can appreciate the courage and strength it takes for them to do so.   I may not feel one hundred percent comfortable, even though I am a gay man, with the process of shifting one's gender, but I can applaud and hold close those who risk everything because really, there is no other choice for them.

Susan Stanton, is someone I would consider it a privilege to know, though I probably never will but I hope the people in her new community understand how lucky they are, and I hope Susan lives the long and happy life she deserves.

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Her Name Was Steven

This should be fascinating.   Saturday, March 13th, 8pm.  

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Time Travel Thursday

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Meet James Bidgood

James Bidgood, our featured Gay Artist this week, is what you would call a true renaissance man. He is an artist whose work has spanned many different mediums. He is also a gay man who has made a valuable (if reluctant) impact on art, music, theatre and even drag. Yes drag.

Born in 1933, Bidgood worked in theatre, set design, music, painting and photography. He is probably best known for the film “Pink Narcissus”, a dialogue-free fantasy . For the movie, Bidgood not only built all the sets, but filmed the entire piece in his NYC apartment. For a number of years the film was attributed to Andy Warhol because in an act of protest, he had removed his name from the project.

After a nearly 40 year hiatus, James Bidgood was at the end of his rope due to health and money problems and has said he was on the verge of taking his own life. Thankfully he met someone who recognized him both for his inherent value as a human being, and for the incredible talent he possessed. He received a grant which enabled him to once again return to the art world, and his story was featured in the documentary, “Ten More Good Years”, a film about the challenges facing LGBT seniors. ( I definitely recommend it)

James Bidgood’s art is amazing, and still influences artists to this day. Ari Gold’s video for his cover of “Human” is a modern day take on Bidgoods style and aesthete. His life story serves as inspiration and a warning to today’s gays that youth is fleeting and life as a GLBT senior requires forethought and planning.
 

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Whadda Day

After doing 6.15 miles yesterday (my best time yet) I somehow managed to tweak my back doing something insanely stupid.  So......I've taken the day off.  Mostly.

My tuesday has consisted of brownies, a heating pad and the remote. 

Not that today was too much of a waste.  Yesterday I wore shorts and a tshirt...today a hat and my heavy coat.  

Where the heck is spring??????? This weather sucks!

Hope your tuesday went well!   See ya on the Wednesday flip side!

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A Cheesburger/Hair Color & Extra Bronzing....

and just a liiiiiitle photoshop and my favorite couple become 15 years younger.

Of course, the real world demands real people, and what's more attractive than authenticity?  

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NEWSFLASH: Sean Hayes Admit's He's Gay

Big Fucking Deal.

Look, I'm sorry for the profanity and I'm conflicted about my reaction, but please.
I LOVE Sean Hayes, and I LOVED his work on Will & Grace as Jack McFarland. I think he's a brilliant commediene and has talent very rare in the business of show business.
However.
During the eight years he was on Will & Grace, and the ensuing 4 years since the shows end, he has never been 'out' publicly.

If you read the Advocate interview (which you can do by clicking on the photo), he will argue he "never lied about who or what he is", "never hid the fact he is a gay man" and even "made a huge contribution to furthering gay rights". Well, maybe the last one could be true, as his portrayal of Jack McFarland was so likeable and entertaining he had to have reached some "unfriendlies" out there. However, as for the rest?

Bullshit.

I'm not saying he didn't have his reasons for all the non-answers and coy replies he gave when asked about his sexuality....but nevertheless.....he lied.   Sure, we all knew, and many didn't care which is fine. But my beef is this: When you are a successful gay, someone who achieves power and influence (and let's face it, he did) and you refuse at the very LEAST to be open? You're sending the message that being gay is something to hide, to be ashamed of. And what message is that sending to kids coming of age during a time like the Bush administration when we were villified to the extreme?

Oh yeah, I know the arguments. "Who's business is anyone's sexuality anyway?" "Why does it matter?" Let me just say...those are insipid rationaliztions for people who are ashamed or want to make their money of the backs of those who live their lives openly and honestly and with dignity.  Period.

So Seah Hayes is proclaiming he's gay huh? Well, welcome to the party Sean! I'm still a fan of your work, still in love with you as an actor but when it comes to your character? You don't get any props from me for the last 12 years. Let's see what the next 12 bring.

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I Don't Care.....

I may be the only one at my small, spur of the moment Oscar party who thinks SJP looks awesome in her awesome Chanel dress...but I don't care.

I think she looks fantastic.   No ruffles, no weird trains or jewell colors....she looks like a Roman goddess.  A Roman goddess who needs to eat a sandwhich maybe.....but still.  

Just lovely.  

And Matthew Broderick, who I also have great affection for?  3 words:  "Just for men".....color that damn hair buddy!  It's just "five easy minutes" so you have time.

There.  My gayness quota has been met for the evening.

PS:   Colin Firth was robbed tonight.  (and I think Jeff Bridges was drunk AND creepy)

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Coming Up This Week

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If There Is One Movie You Need To See....

If there is one movie you NEED to see as a member of the GLBTQ community, it's "Outrage".

I'd heard the buzz and read the reviews, but only saw it today.

"There is a right to privacy, but not a right to hypocrisy.  It is very important that the people who make the law, be subject to the law.  People who are not subject to the laws will make harsh laws because they don't have to live with them." --Barney Frank

This movie is fantastic. 

Outrage is an indictment of closeted politicians who lobby for anti-gay legislation in the U.S.  Get it?   Queers creating laws that hurt queers. 

Some names are no surprise, like Larry Craig.  But others will blow you away once you learn about the positions they held (or hold) and what they did to you and me.

Directed by Kirby Dick, Outrage is a powerful, disturbing  and riveting documentary.   It's not innuendo, it's not vague....it's factual and straightforward.

It spurred me to do the wall of shame (scroll to the bottom left of the blog) and although the first installment only features nine hypocrites...there are plenty more to follow.

I cannot recommend this film enough.  




(faces are only blurred for the trailer...they want you to see the movie)

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Time Travel Thursday

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Liberty With Blunt

They didn't have the sentiment I was looking for.....so I made my own.  Check out authentic Blunt Cards at bluntcard.comhttp://bluntcard.com/

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How Kitchy! How Cool!

I love thrift stores.  

They're like garage sales without all the hassle.  There is something about the experience of shopping, or rather browsing, the aisles of a thrift store that I enjoy.  For me it's a cross between a treasure hunt and peeping in someone's medicine cabinet.

Nine times out of ten I don't buy anything.   I have plenty of stuff to donate rather than accumulate, but every once in awhile I find kitchy stuff that I can't resist.  
About a week ago I hit that 'one out of ten times'!  

I was dragged (against my will) to a Deserett Industries store.  (Deserett is a Mormon church thrift store in case you've never heard of them.)   On this trip I found two items I couldn't resist.    The first was a book w/a handsome guy on the cover who reminded me of a blond Ken doll from the 1970s.   I immediately recogized it as Tom Netherton.   If his name doesn't ring a bell, don't worry.   I grew up with older parents so I have a savant-type knowledge of this kind of stuff.   Tom Netherton is the tall perfect haired bariton singer from the Lawrence Welk show.   My mom is a rabid fan to this day, so I picked this up for her.   It's in great condition, a kind of religiousy life story read, and it came with 2 bonus features!   The first surprise was it's an autographed copy and the second , I found two glamour shots of Mr Netherton which are also signed.  How Kitchy!  How cool!

The second bonus...and this little item was solely for yours truly, is the "Handy Stitch!"!  I remember seeing these on TV when I was in highschool.  It's a little hand held sewing maching, perfect for stitching hems and various craft projects!   While I don't really have hems or craft projects I couldn't pass this up.   It's brand new and it works! So if I ever do have a need.....I'm golden.

This was definitely the one out of ten times experience that keeps me returning to thrift stores. 

How kitchy!  How Cool!

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On My Book Shelf: Major Conflict

While I was unable to finish My Lives by Edmund White, I revisited a favorite of mine and enjoyed "Major Conflict" for the 2nd (or perhaps 3rd) time. 

Jeffrey McGowan had a dream….a passion, an obsession even, that one day he would be a soldier. Eventually his dream came true….and then he had to accept the fact he was gay.

He writes,”We all make sacrifices. We all make compromises. I wanted to be a soldier. So I compromised for awhile. I sacrificed a part of myself in order to achieve my goals. ---- I left the military in order to save myself.”

Major Conflict is Jeffrey McGowan’s memoir and he tells his story with warmth and candor. He describes his own search for love and intimacy while serving in the United States military during the initiation of DADT….and vividly describes how the policy affects gay soldiers.

Major conflict is a charming, thought provoking read, offering insight into a patriotic gay man who simply wanted to serve his country and enjoy the same freedoms he put his life on the line for.

DADT is a hot button issue right now, and McGowan is a soldier who lived to share his story. We need more people of his character serving our country and in our community.
 
I give Major Conflict 4 1/2 stars!

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Confession Time

(Taps the microphone)
"Hello, My name is Geoff"
"Hi Geoff"
"I was a serial masturbator"

Self pleasure.  What's the big deal?

I remember when I was a little kid....(and I mean little like five or six), and my mom scolding me to "keep my hand out of my pajamas."

What did I know?   It felt good.  

I remember her swatting my hand a couple times after my nightly prayers because it seemed to have a mind of it's own and strayed down south.  Eventually I would watch her disappear down the stairs, only to poke her head back up suddenly  making sure I'd received the message that touching myself was a bad thing.

Mothers and masturbation.  Am I the only one?   I know it's fucked up to make that association, but that's my earliest memory on what was soon to become an important skill and a beloved hobby.  Like most boys I became really good at it too which was kind of interesting since I really only have one healthy testicle.   Given my enthusiasm for masturbating as a teen and beyond, I've often wondered how much more intense my sex drive would have been if I'd had two balls.  It's a scary thought.

It makes me smile to think of all the places I "did the deed" as a teenager and then during the inbetween getting laid times as an adult.   I did it everywhere....and before you get too grossed out....I was meticulously clean.  But the need to cum was intense.  I remember jerking off while driving home from school, at work, the side of a country road and the list goes on and on.

My funniest memory was when I was working late, and I'd just finished cumming when a co-worker walked in.  All our desks were in this one common area and we were at opposite ends, and I sat w/my pants around my ankles, dick hanging out, praying he wouldn't come over to chat.  He actually reads this blog from time to time, and I think I told him about that lol.

My favorite time....and yes I'm going to share,  was when I was about 17.   I'd woke up in my new bedroom which my color-blind father had just painted a hideous yellow color.  The sun was streaming in and the room practically glowed. My hand slipped beneath my briefs and I had one of the best orgasms I've ever had.  Post orgasm I tend to laugh as the rush swells in my chest.  I don't know why, I just do...it's like a pure feeling of joy, and I remember thinking "This is the most perfect way in the world to wake  up". 

And my confession?     It IS the most perfect way in the world to wake up!

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