It's no secret I wear my heart on my sleeve. I feel things deeply, often too deep. I haven't posted in what...a month almost (?) because a lot's been going on. There's the consistent "drama with my mama"...I don't think will ever change until she passes on-- and while that's painful and draining it's nothing compared to the end of a relationship.
D and I broke up a few weeks ago, only to come back together and agree to try again. I didn't handle it well at all....I felt so many things. Abandoned, alone, a chump.... mournful of the loss of my best friend and of course a whole lot more. I think he agreed to 'try' because he was worried about me...(I'm a crier, sue me), and that adds another layer of hurt ...and embarrassment.
Right now, communication has dwindled (his choice), and I'm just waiting for the hammer to fall on his end. The truth is, it's pretty much fallen on my end too, but there's that small albeit desperate part of me that holds on to the hope that it will work out (which I know it wont).
You can't make someone love you.