Saturday, October 27, 2012

I've Lost My Mom

I've mentioned my mom before on this blog, and taken care of her for many years.   The truth is she took care of me too.   It hasn't always been easy, in fact at times it's been a nightmare, but through it all she was my mom. 
This morning I found her in the bathroom between 3 and 4 AM, and she was gone.   My heart is broken and I feel so lost.   Rest in peace Mom.  I love you with all my heart.
Beverly Joan --
July 1931 -October 2012
(photo taken May of 1985)

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Sunday, October 21, 2012

Can't Make Someone Love You

It's no secret I wear my heart on my sleeve.  I feel things deeply, often too deep.    I haven't posted in what...a month almost (?) because a lot's been going on. There's the consistent "drama with my mama"...I don't think will ever change until she passes on-- and while that's painful and draining it's nothing compared to the end of a relationship.   
D and I broke up a few weeks ago, only to come back together and agree to try again.   I didn't handle it well at all....I felt so many things.  Abandoned, alone, a chump.... mournful of the loss of my best friend and of course a whole lot more.  I think he agreed to 'try' because he was worried about me...(I'm a crier, sue me), and that adds another layer of hurt ...and embarrassment.   
Right now, communication has dwindled (his choice),  and I'm just waiting for the hammer to fall on his end.     The truth is, it's pretty much fallen on my end too, but there's that small albeit desperate part of me that holds on to the hope that it will work out (which I know it wont).
You can't make someone love you.

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