The Fever

This is about sex, so be warned.

Men view sex differently than women, and gay men ....well we view it the same as straight men...we just have a hell of a lot more of it.

Growing up, I always referred to it as ‘the fever’.
To me, that was when ….out of the blue……every thought, every urge every impulse was all about s-e-x………. bigtime.

Totally unexpected 'lust', 'the urge'…“the fever“.

Every so often it would hit me head on, like a hijacked inner city bus: big, powerful, noisy…and not very clean lol.
“Sir, just pay the faire. You’re getting on to get off Sir. No argument accepted.”
None was ever offered.

I was always amazed when it would strike. It wasn’t like I was deprived (although I wasn’t exactly promiscuous) so I was baffled as to why lust would just slam me up against the wall and make me it‘s bitch.

Now if you can‘t tell I’m not just writing about being horny…….I‘m talking about the irresistible urge for cock.

Where you literally can almost feel a dick in your throat or up a guys ass…..and ‘almost feeling it’ isn’t good enough either. You HAVE to feel it.

I’m talking about the experience of a stubble scraping, teeth clicking, tongues dueling spit sharing kiss that is hard and tender at the same time where you feel like your floating, if you stand up you’d fall down dizzy and that kiss could go on and on forever…and when you’re done?
You have to….need to…..MUST do it again.

Can you relate?

For me it was something primal…..I HAD to have it and I usually did.

In the beginning when I’d get hit with ‘the fever’, it had a religious connotation in my mind. To me, it was Satan tempting me. I guess the devil made a good scapegoat but after the deed was done I had a heavy price to pay for my religious conviction…….guilt.

I got over that quickly.

When I first had sex it became the most fantasticmostamazingest toy you could play with (as a gay guy) and I practiced and practiced ‘honing my skill’ lol. I gave myself a year to have fun, a year of asking myself no questions, and no guilt. I reasoned that a year was the perfect amount of time to have fun and get it out of my system. Even though this was the late 80s I knew enough to be safe. I’d heard the rumors the AIDS was even in small town Idaho and I heeded them.

Thank God.

But 12 months didn’t cure me and I have to say with all sincerity and candor …it was fantastic.
I even did that juvenile guy thing and kept a list. Mine was in a foolproof practically unbreakable code however, just in case it was discovered accidentally.

“10/3/87 HGMBJ in my car”

I’m sure you can figure it out.

As an added safeguard, I had a hiding place for it too. There was a space in between the wallpaper and the wall of my closet and I would slip it between. Although that house was sold long ago, I’m sure it’s still there…..or someone found it and had a good laugh.

So the fever.

I’m pleased to say it still hits me head on every so often but it’s changed a bit. Sex with a stranger isn’t appealing in any way shape or form to me anymore. Perhaps it’s a sign of age, or maturity but I’m glad it’s evolved because there is no other person I can even fathom turning to than my partner Doug to tame the beast, satiate the urge, and feed the fever……because there’s no fucking way this particular fever can be starved.

And no way I would even try.

Acompanying Daily Aural: Madonna: Fever

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The Man In The Blue Underwear

We weren't supposed to be going through my parents closet, my sister and I, but we were.  We had lived at 1763 Maplewood drive for less than a year and the house had these cool closets with storage above where you huhg your clothes, and we were exploring.  We never snooped for christmas presents, so I'm not sure what the motivation was but  I do remember my older brother had shown up strung out, acting sort of crazy, and my parents had taken him to a treatment center after a stressful and confusing 'visit'. 

We found the magazine, pages askew, thrown against the back.   It wasn't just any magazine though, it was a DIRTY magazine and being the good little christian snoops that we were, we began thumbing through it to see what was what.

There was the stock fare of teats and vaginas laid bare for oggling.   I was twelve and unlike other boys  my age, I was completely repulsed by the pictures of women with their legs spread lewdly while they fingered themselves.  Gag.
It was pretty much standard porn rag material until we reached the vampire spread.    For about ten pages they had a vampire storyline going on.   A young girl in a neglige looking out a window, a vampire enthralling her etc. It was actually kind of artful.  Then there was a picture of the vampire laying in the bed with the girl on one side and another man on the other and things began to get interesting.

For three pages (yes I remember exactly) it showed the vampire having his way with both the man and the woman and I was mesmerized.  The man was wearing light blue underwear in the first few pics (until the vamp removed them) and I can still remember the feeling in my chest, my stomach and my dick as I scanned those pages into my mind.   I returned to that magazine many times before it disappeared.  

Years later I found out my brother had left it behind, but I'll never forget the first rush of lust I ever felt....brought about by the man in the blue underwear.

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