Sunday, June 9, 2013

You Can't Please Everyone

Death brings out the best and the worst in people.   I've seen it in action (as I'm sure you have too) all my life.  So when my mom died I was prepared (mentally) for problem siblings and other relatives to cause drama.    I ended up being suprised anyway as the people I expected to cause trouble after her death did not, and the one person I let my guard down with, did.   It's just how it goes.   

Silly me though, I did think after the funeral there wouldn't be anymore drama.  

Silly....silly me.  

With nary a word from anyone in the last seven months, when I told my siblings and family members I was going to carry out my mother's final wishes and scatter her ashes in Nebraska, it didn't go over quite so well with a few of them.   I should add I gave them plenty of notice like almost 4 months...but that didn't matter. 

One message read "I think that should be a family event and youre taking that away from me and everyone else that loved her. I dont think what your doing is fair."  

Excuse me???? I thought that was what I WAS doing!  Keep in mind, the person who wrote the above,is a grown woman with 2 children.

Some people just want an excuse to cause pain.

I bent over backward after my mom died to make everyone happy. I included those who in reality shouldn't have been included.  I made sure everyone left with something to remember her by when they had largely ignored or hurt her over the last two decades.   I also allowed some of those people to take way more things than they should have yet all I heard in the ensuing months was either grumbling or silence.   Don't get me wrong....I'm not upset over the 'things'...after all it's just stuff.  What bothers me is the gall some people had during such a sad time.

My conscience is clear. 

I've notified everyone and given them the same opportunity to come and join in.   That's only fair, and mom would have wanted that.

My solace comes in knowing this is the last time I will have to speak to many of them and I'm fine with that.   I honestly want most of these ties to be cut and I know that sounds sad....but these are not nice people.

I'm reminded of the saying  "You can't please everyone", and truthfully you shouldn't really try.


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